As I’m writing this now, Dad is still in critical condition although his vitals are stable now. There’s nothing I can do other than sitting next to him and watch him breathe slowly. Doctor said that the CPR I did probably saved his life but this may occur again, and when it does, whether I want to resuscitate him. Their medical opinion is DNR as he would likely be intubated with a ventilator, causing him more pain and with little benefits to his quality of life.
My parents had me in their 40s so since young I’ve been afraid of losing them because they are much older than my friend’s parents. Ever since they fell ill, I’m mentally prepared for the day to come. But I realised that one can never be prepared for death.
Mum’s passing 4 years ago changed my life and how I view life. A part of me will never be the same again, it’s like my soul is eaten up. Mum was my pillar of strength and my best friend. I cried almost every night as I see her suffer. And the sadness continues even when she’s not around.
The first year, 2019, was extremely tough. I think it was equally tough on dad too even though he didn’t talk about it. And whenever I asked, he would brush it aside and say “what’s there to be upset, life’s like that.” It seemed he was coping well, but he’d continue his routine of buying breakfast for her and putting on the altar. I think this continued for one year plus until circuit breaker where we stopped him from going out.
After mum was gone, he took her PMA and gradually lost his strength to cycle. He would visit me almost daily on his PMA, buying the same food (carrot cake, wanton mee or chee cheong fun) from hougang green. He doesn’t know how to look after babies so sometimes I feel frustrated when he’s here as he can’t help me and I feel not at ease breastfeeding in front of him.
He remembers his first grandson well, as this is his only grandson before his dementia was officially diagnosed. Or maybe because he spent most time with him.
I would ask him to feed to make him feel useful. Thankful that my firstborn is an easy eater.
There wasn’t much information on helmet therapy hence I decided to document didi’s journey. And since many mums are asking, here’s our entire journey.
We did didi’s helmet with Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH) after we went for the routine polyclinic check up which referred us to KKH.
There are only two places that do helmet in Singapore as of writing, TTSH and a private clinic, Orthopaedia Singapore.
Orthopaedia Singapore offers a free first time consultation. We went for the free consultation and were tempted by the short timeline (could get a helmet within a week) but decided to get the cheaper $500 TTSH helmet as we are afraid that didi might reject a $3800 helmet. Do note that you can use CDA for the private clinic but not with TTSH.
Pro of private clinic:
1. Advanced technology to measure head, should be more accurate than manual measurements. 2. No need to make casting on head, measurements sent to US to make. 3. Short wait time of 1 week compared to average 2 months for TTSH. 4. Helmet material seems better and lighter. 5. Able to customise design on helmet. 6. Can use CDA.
Con of private clinic:
1. Helmet is 6x the price of TTSH. Follow up appointment is also 2-3x the price of TTSH. 2. Location is far from my home (minor factor).
It is crucial for baby to get helmet therapy within the golden period (before 8 months old) hence I hope our timeline would be helpful for you to decide if between subsidised TTSH or go private clinic.
Below is our timeline:
⁃ 28 Dec 2020: 4th month routine check at polyclinic where I asked for referral for his flat head. Thankfully I insisted on a referral even though the doctor at polyclinic didn’t think he has any flat head. Mum’s instinct is right when I discussed possibility of plagiocephaly with him but he didn’t seem to know.
⁃ 7 Jan 2021: First KKH appointment where the paediatrician referred us to physiologist at KKH to see if helmet was necessary. So many referrals which was frustrating as the golden period to do helmet is crucial.
⁃ 12 Jan 2021: Made a free consultation with private clinic and didi’s results was considered severe plagiocephaly as it has affected his facial symmetry. In the afternoon we went to KKH where the physiologist assessed didi having torticollis and asked if I wanted helmet. However KKH could not do helmet therapy and only TTSH could do so. Hence they refer me back to the KKH paediatrician to write the referral.
At this point, it was hard to decide which route to take. We wanted to wait to see when we can get TTSH appointment but the private clinic told us we have to take another head measurement if it is more than 2-3 days (and thus need to pay, only first consultation is free).
In the end we bite the bullet and decided to go for the cheaper TTSH and pray hard the appointment won’t be too far.
12 Jan 2021: Orthopaedia clinic has advanced machine to measure the dimensions of his head.
⁃ 14 Jan 2021: Back to KKH paediatrician where she wrote referral to TTSH orthotist.
19 Jan 2021: Bought a mimos pillow hoping the flat head won’t worsen while waiting for TTSH’s appointment.
⁃ 8 Feb 2021: Finally our first appointment with TTSH’s orthotist! We had a really nice orthotist, Mr Tsurayuki Murakami. He took head measurements manually (no high tech machine here) and shared information about the therapy. We’ve already decided to do it before the appointment thus we made the mould on the spot!
8 Feb 2021: Manual casting. It didn’t look comfortable but luckily didi was very cooperative.
⁃ 18 Feb 2021: Helmet was ready and we did fitting.
18 Feb 2021: Fitting day!18 Feb 2021: Took measurements and photos to document progressFound some information online on how to ease the baby in wearing helmet.
⁃ 23 Feb 2021: Helmet caused some abrasions so I emailed Mr Murakami and he kindly gave me a same day appointment. We went back to trim off some parts of the helmet.
⁃ 18 Mar 2021: Appointment to check on progress. Everything went well.
Other than the first abrasion, didi didn’t have issues with the helmet. He slept well with it and was not cranky. The head perspires a lot, we when we took off during meal times and bath times, we would wipe with alcohol wipes. We also put Aveeno eczema lotion as recommended by orthotist to prevent abrasions and heat rashes.
⁃ 15 Apr 2021: Appointment to check on progress. Everything went well.
⁃ 14 May 2021: Didi’s head outgrow the helmet and thus have some abrasions. I emailed Mr Murakami and were given option to stop helmet as the measurements were good or make adjustments to the helmet if we want to continue. We decided to stop as we were happy with his progress and did not return for the final appointment as it would be just taking the head measurements.
Just nice graduated from helmet when he entered infant care!
100K. I was so obsessed with this number as a fresh graduate. No, I’m not talking about 100k followers on my instagram (which I don’t lol). I’m talking about my obsession, financial freedom.
I believe that financial literacy is one of the most important skills to teach to our kids, but unfortunately not emphasized in Singapore’s mainstream education.
Many believe that it is hard to save with the rising cost of living, giving reasons like “it’s possible because your pay is high”, “you can’t YOLO if you save and scrimp” or “I cannot do it. I need to travel/ pay for car etc” .
But it is precisely the high cost of living that’s why we need to save even more.
I grew up poor, my parents live paycheck by paycheck and every month I pray that my teacher doesn’t call me out to pay outstanding school fees. I am the classic example of a sandwich generation, taking care of two kids and dependent dad. I am now paying for the retirement and medical expenses of my dad as he didn’t plan for his own.
I’m not a high flyer and certainly not high income earner too. I studied in a local university and worked for the Government after graduation.
If you are curious how I saved my first $100,000 the Singapore civil servant way, read on!
There are mainly two ways to accumulate wealth, reduce expenses and increase income. I will first talk about reducing expenses as it is easier to achieve.
A) REDUCE EXPENSES
1. Clear Your Bad Loans Asap
There are two school of thoughts when it comes to loans. Some would like to make use of the low interest rate and delay the payment so that they can free up the cash to invest in something where the interest is higher.
For me, I knew I had to clear my tuition fees loan ASAP upon graduation as the interest is not low. To avoid the bank interest, I borrowed $10,000 from my mum and paid off the entire loan ($12,000) at one go.
I returned my mum $1000 every month in my first year of work and was debt free in less than a year after graduation. Whatever I earned after that was all channeled into savings and investments. Being debt free gives me a peace of mind when I invest.
Assuming a loan of $20,000 over 5 years at 4.5% p.a., monthly instalment is $373.
Money saved from age 23- 27: $373 x 48 months = S$ 17,904.
2. Do Not Buy Car in Singapore
Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto
It was tempting to buy a car after seeing your peers showing off their new car on facebook. But I decided that I have no need for a car as my workplace is easily accessible by public transport.
Technology has evolved and it is so easy to grab a taxi now. I am now a mum of two kids and is still car free. I take public transport with my two kids and occasionally take grab.
A car loan and maintenance will easily set me back by $1000-1500 a month, which was about 1/3 of my starting take home pay. No way!
Assuming I spent $1250 on car a month,
Money saved from age 23- 27: $1250 x 48 months = S$ 60,000.
3. Avoid Frequent Entertainment/ Dining out
Credit: shironosov (iStock)
I tend to head home for dinner with family instead of hanging out with colleagues after work. This saves me a lot of money as eating out costs an average of $25 per meal.
Most importantly, I believe in spending dinner time with family as I’ve already spent too much time with colleagues at work.
I don’t mind having dates at coffeeshops and limit myself to 1-2 restaurant meals per week.
I don’t go clubbing because I rather spend my time meaningfully with my family and my ex boyfriend who is now my husband. I save a lot from not clubbing as the alcohol prices and the late-night cab fares will easily set me back for $100 each time!
Assuming average dining out cost is $300 and $200 of entertainment fees per month,
Money saved from age 23- 27: $500 x 48 months = S$ 24,000.
4. Avoid Taking Taxi
Credit: Cameris (iStock)
I stick to a no taxi rule unless I’m running late, the place is out of the way or I can save significant time by not taking public transport. This also forces me to have better time management.
I’ve some friends who take taxi/ grab to work everyday. This costs an average $20 per day which is $400 a month for 20 working days.
Even with two young kids, I still take public transport most of the time.
Assuming average monthly cab fare of $400,
Money saved from age 23- 27: $400 x 48 months = S$ 19,200.
5. Live a Minimalist Lifestyle
It is easy to fall into the “earn more spend more” trap. Many of my friends tend to buy more luxurious items, dine at more expensive restaurants and travel to more exotic places.
It is perfectly fine to reward yourself but try to stick to one expensive hobby only otherwise your income will never keep up with your expenses.
My personal indulgence is on travelling and shopping. I’ve cut down on shopping and limit myself to 3 pieces of clothings each year as compared to 3-5 new pieces every month previously. With this, I also feel less guilty towards adding waste to the environment.
I still reward myself with travel but I keep to one Asian and one non-Asian destination each year so that I do not overspend.
Assuming average monthly shopping on clothes is $150,
Money saved from age 23- 27: $150 x 48 months = S$ 7200.
B) INCREASE INCOME
The following two ways can help you increase your income without depending on promotion or pay rise, which is not something that we have full control of.
1. Start Saving and Investing ASAP
This sounds like a no brainer but how many of us really save and invest at 21?
“My wealth has come from a combination of living in America, some lucky genes, and compound interest.”
– Warren Buffett
I bought my first stock at 23 (which is considered late) upon graduation. It was 1 lot of Capitaland. Sold it three years later and made $600 capital gains. Needless to say, the profit is far greater than $600 when you let the magic of compound interest and time work for you.
2. Have Multiple Sources of Income
I’ve a friend who is able to save 100% of his main active income because his side income (dividends, tuition assignments and rental) can cover all his expenses.
His tuition and rental income gave him $1500 monthly, and his 5% dividends on a $600,000 dividend-based portfolio generated $2500 yield monthly. $4000 is sufficient to cover his entire expenses as he lives frugally (that explains how he could have $600,000 in stocks).
Another friend does e-commerce business in addition to her full time job and earns an additional $3000 on average each month.
Of course it is not easy but possible with patience and some sacrifices.
-If you have a spare room to rent and willing to sacrifice some personal freedom, renting out a room sounds good.
-If you have spare time to Netflix, why not start a small e-commerce business or learn to invest?
-If your voice is unique, perhaps you can do a voiceover on fiverr?
There are so many possible side hustling out there, the problem is laziness..
During my university days, I was diligently teaching tuition and earned about $14 000 in 3 years, which I used it to partially fund for my school fees. I also sold my preloved items on marketplace.
It sounds difficult to amass a 6 digit portfolio but if you can save up your first $100,000, many things will fall in place nicely. Your next $100k is easier to achieve as your first $100k will compound with time.
Monthly tuition salary of about $500 and about $5000 of revenue generated from marketplace,
Money earned from age 19- 22: ($500 x 48 months) + $5000 = S$ 29,000.
Conclusion
My greatest mistake is that I did not get started on this earlier.
I was obsessed with fast fashion in my early 20s and spent a huge amount in Forever 21 and H&M. In 4 years, I accumulated over 200 pieces of clothing which was about $6000.
Another important takeaway is that the money spent now is actually more than what it seems. If the $6000 is invested properly, it would have become $9,773.37 now (10 years with 5% dividends). This means I’ve wasted $9,773.37 (not $6000!) on clothes! 😨
If you’re still not convinced to make a change in your lifestyle, look at this.
If I’ve had spent $60,000 on a car 10 years ago, it is actually worth $97,733.68 if invested for 10 years at 5% rate! This means everyone would have an additional ~$100k more if we don’t buy a car!
START NOW.
With the mentioned lifestyle, I was able to save 70% of my take home pay. Combined with the additional streams of income, I successfully saved $100,000 a month before I turned 27.
We all have different starting point, it is definitely ok to achieve your first $100k after 27 (of course don’t aim for age 60!). It is also ok to buy a car if your lifestyle demands for it, just make sure to cut on other expenses.
The intention of this sharing is not to flaunt my wealth but simply to encourage you to START NOW.
I wish you the greatest success in your journey to financial freedom. 🙂
Potty training is easier when both child and caregiver are ready. Meaning, child can verbalise the need to go toilet and caregiver is prepared to deal with the mess (accidents are inevitable!)
Most children are ready from 18 months to 3 years old, with girls generally earlier than boys.
During lockdown (19 months old), my son started telling us he wanna poop but I was too tired and lazy to train so I decided to wait.
Fast forward to 2.5 years old now, it is so much easier to train! He had about 4 leakages so far.
Also, potty training too early can lead to kidney and bladder problems and even urinary tract infection!
I chose a weekend to start potty training as I needed full day to make him get into the habit of going toilet.
What to prepare?
Brace yourself for accidents. Prepare tissue, cloth, mop etc to clean up the mess. And of course, a potty or kid’s toilet bowl.
Cow potty
He didn’t like the traditional red potty and couldn’t even sit still for more than 10s. Maybe it was too unstable for him. Tried the cow potty and he liked it.
Wanted him to use toilet bowl directly but he was scared…
Lastly, buy some underwear with his/her favourite designs. My son didn’t want to give up on his diaper until he saw the excavator on the underwear.
How long does it take to train?
Depends on individual! Fastest I heard was 2 days and some take up to weeks.
For schools, it usually takes longer as child may be shy to tell teachers. Some successfully wear underwear to school after months. Like with everything else in raising a child, there is no need to compare and feel pressured.
How I train in 8 days…
Started day 1 on a Sunday where I had full day with him. Placed potty near his play area. Was told that I need to bring him to potty every 15-30min but I was lazy. .
So I made him naked and sat on potty until he peed (while he watched TV). I let him indulge on TV as it was difficult to make him sit on potty for long.
After his first pee, I praised him to make him feel good about his achievement.
His proud face after the first pee. Eyes glued on TV, which kept him entertained. Screen time rule was relaxed as my priority was potty training. Choose the battle to fight wisely!
After tasted success, he was able to tell me he needed the potty. Subsequent pees was 1 hourly interval. I would always praised him loudly to make him know he did well. He didn’t poop on first day.
On the 2nd day, he could take out underwear and use the potty by himself.
As I didn’t want to clean poop, I told him to poop in toilet bowl instead of potty. It wasn’t successful and he poop onto underwear. Showed him how I threw poop into toilet bowl and flushed. Also made him watch how I had to clean his underwear because he didn’t poop in toilet bowl.
On the 3rd day, he was able to tell us that he needed to poop and successfully did it with toilet bowl.
On the 5th day, we decided to let him try underwear to school as there was no accident after 3rd day. But he couldn’t tell teacher and leaked. We found out that the teacher insisted him to stand instead of sitting to pee. He hasn’t learn standing as he was trained to sit at home.
The next school day, we decided to try again. We told the teacher to make him go toilet every 1-2h even if he said he has no pee, and to let him sit instead of standing. Chances are, he will pee (as this is what we experienced at home). Indeed it was a success!
On the 8th day, he was able to express his toilet needs to teachers! We told the teachers to change into diapers if it is too difficult but glad that we all persisted!
After thoughts…
-Don’t have to buy training pants as I went cold turkey and just strip him naked for the first pee. Subsequently he knew that wearing underwear means need to pee in potty as we kept reminding him. Alternatively can just wear underwear with diaper outside if afraid of cleaning the mess. But I find it faster to just wear underwear.
-It is easier for boys to train by sitting than standing to pee.
⁃ It seems easier to train pee than poop.
-It can take about one year to be diaper free during sleeping. We decided not to stress him and let him wear diaper when sleeping until he naturally outgrow it.
Overall, we are glad that we waited till both mummy and kid are more ready. It makes potty training less stressful!
It is one month after using mimos pillow for didi’s plagiocephaly. Time for a quick review!
First day on mimos, he was 5 months old. After a month, Didi liking his mimos!
Sometimes he will roll out of the pillow when falling asleep but thankfully he is able to sleep on it most of the time.
Active baby!
I still try to reposition him although mimos website said it is not needed. But even if he is sleeping on his flat side, I’m not so worried as the pillow helps to spread the pressure evenly (used to sleep late cause I’d reposition him after he slept).
Physically, we don’t see much improvement except it is less pointy at the back. But I am so glad that it isn’t worsening! 😌Went to the orthotist two days back and his plagio measurement has decreased from 14 to 13mm (0mm is a perfect round head). Yay! 🤩Which means the pillow has helped to correct 1 mm!🥳🤩
Slight improvement of 1mm!
I wasn’t hoping for major correction and was just praying that it will not get worse while we wait for the helmet to be ready.
So yep, money well spent!😀 Another one more week of mimos pillow before he starts wearing helmet.
mamakeng.com 