Category: Others

How do I even begin?

I will be an orphan sooner than I thought.

As I’m writing this now, Dad is still in critical condition although his vitals are stable now. There’s nothing I can do other than sitting next to him and watch him breathe slowly. Doctor said that the CPR I did probably saved his life but this may occur again, and when it does, whether I want to resuscitate him. Their medical opinion is DNR as he would likely be intubated with a ventilator, causing him more pain and with little benefits to his quality of life.

My parents had me in their 40s so since young I’ve been afraid of losing them because they are much older than my friend’s parents. Ever since they fell ill, I’m mentally prepared for the day to come. But I realised that one can never be prepared for death.

Mum’s passing 4 years ago changed my life and how I view life. A part of me will never be the same again, it’s like my soul is eaten up. Mum was my pillar of strength and my best friend. I cried almost every night as I see her suffer. And the sadness continues even when she’s not around.

The first year, 2019, was extremely tough. I think it was equally tough on dad too even though he didn’t talk about it. And whenever I asked, he would brush it aside and say “what’s there to be upset, life’s like that.” It seemed he was coping well, but he’d continue his routine of buying breakfast for her and putting on the altar. I think this continued for one year plus until circuit breaker where we stopped him from going out.

After mum was gone, he took her PMA and gradually lost his strength to cycle. He would visit me almost daily on his PMA, buying the same food (carrot cake, wanton mee or chee cheong fun) from hougang green. He doesn’t know how to look after babies so sometimes I feel frustrated when he’s here as he can’t help me and I feel not at ease breastfeeding in front of him.

He remembers his first grandson well, as this is his only grandson before his dementia was officially diagnosed. Or maybe because he spent most time with him.

I would ask him to feed to make him feel useful. Thankful that my firstborn is an easy eater.

There wasn’t much information on helmet therapy hence I decided to document didi’s journey. And since many mums are asking, here’s our entire journey.

We did didi’s helmet with Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH) after we went for the routine polyclinic check up which referred us to KKH.

There are only two places that do helmet in Singapore as of writing, TTSH and a private clinic, Orthopaedia Singapore.

Orthopaedia Singapore offers a free first time consultation. We went for the free consultation and were tempted by the short timeline (could get a helmet within a week) but decided to get the cheaper $500 TTSH helmet as we are afraid that didi might reject a $3800 helmet. Do note that you can use CDA for the private clinic but not with TTSH.

Pro of private clinic:

1. Advanced technology to measure head, should be more accurate than manual measurements. 2. No need to make casting on head, measurements sent to US to make. 3. Short wait time of 1 week compared to average 2 months for TTSH. 4. Helmet material seems better and lighter. 5. Able to customise design on helmet. 6. Can use CDA.

Con of private clinic:

1. Helmet is 6x the price of TTSH. Follow up appointment is also 2-3x the price of TTSH. 2. Location is far from my home (minor factor).

It is crucial for baby to get helmet therapy within the golden period (before 8 months old) hence I hope our timeline would be helpful for you to decide if between subsidised TTSH or go private clinic.

Below is our timeline:

⁃ 28 Dec 2020: 4th month routine check at polyclinic where I asked for referral for his flat head. Thankfully I insisted on a referral even though the doctor at polyclinic didn’t think he has any flat head. Mum’s instinct is right when I discussed possibility of plagiocephaly with him but he didn’t seem to know.

⁃ 7 Jan 2021: First KKH appointment where the paediatrician referred us to physiologist at KKH to see if helmet was necessary. So many referrals which was frustrating as the golden period to do helmet is crucial.

⁃ 12 Jan 2021: Made a free consultation with private clinic and didi’s results was considered severe plagiocephaly as it has affected his facial symmetry. In the afternoon we went to KKH where the physiologist assessed didi having torticollis and asked if I wanted helmet. However KKH could not do helmet therapy and only TTSH could do so. Hence they refer me back to the KKH paediatrician to write the referral.

At this point, it was hard to decide which route to take. We wanted to wait to see when we can get TTSH appointment but the private clinic told us we have to take another head measurement if it is more than 2-3 days (and thus need to pay, only first consultation is free).

In the end we bite the bullet and decided to go for the cheaper TTSH and pray hard the appointment won’t be too far.

⁃ 14 Jan 2021: Back to KKH paediatrician where she wrote referral to TTSH orthotist.

⁃ 8 Feb 2021: Finally our first appointment with TTSH’s orthotist! We had a really nice orthotist, Mr Tsurayuki Murakami. He took head measurements manually (no high tech machine here) and shared information about the therapy. We’ve already decided to do it before the appointment thus we made the mould on the spot!

⁃ 18 Feb 2021: Helmet was ready and we did fitting.

⁃ 23 Feb 2021: Helmet caused some abrasions so I emailed Mr Murakami and he kindly gave me a same day appointment. We went back to trim off some parts of the helmet.

⁃ 18 Mar 2021: Appointment to check on progress. Everything went well.

⁃ 15 Apr 2021: Appointment to check on progress. Everything went well.

⁃ 14 May 2021: Didi’s head outgrow the helmet and thus have some abrasions. I emailed Mr Murakami and were given option to stop helmet as the measurements were good or make adjustments to the helmet if we want to continue. We decided to stop as we were happy with his progress and did not return for the final appointment as it would be just taking the head measurements.

When friends learned about my pregnancy, many asked if I would hire a domestic helper. I gave a lot of thoughts to it and decided I’d still choose infant care for didi.

Pros of childcare centre

1. Teachers are professionally trained

As teachers are professionally trained, I feel more assured to leave my child with them. Plus, there are more than one pair of eyes around so chances of them mistreating the child are lesser (although it still happens).

2. Proper schedule/ curriculum in place

For infants, the teachers would record the timing of feeding, bathing, changing diapers etc. There would also be some activities to engage the infant.

For playgroup and above, there will be curriculum to follow to ensure learning takes place. Some centres have additional lessons such as music, drama etc.

3. Social setting

Exposing my child to other kids gives him opportunities to interact and learn vital social skills. I believe this is why he is able to say hello to neighbours on his own. Sometimes he even walks around coffeeshop table by table to wave at strangers, like some ministers participating in election!

4. No screen time

I admit that I was judgemental. I told husband back then that we will not resort to using iPad or handphones during feeding. Circuit breaker came and we gave him so much screen time to save our sanity. Thanks to youtube, we were able to have zoom meetings at the same time.

It was a double edge sword though. Screen time is a path of no return. It is challenging to reduce screen time once he is exposed to the world of Tayo Bus and Peppa Pig. Just an hour ago, he refused to sleep and kept saying “mummy, please give me phone”. We didn’t teach him the phrase “give me” and neither did we teach him what is a phone. 😂

Most of the time he is well-behaved. The tantrums come when he wants to watch TV or when we switch off TV before he feels it is enough for the day.

At least for the 10 hours he spends in the childcare, we know that he has absolutely no screen time. Wonderful.

Cons of childcare centre

1. Child falls sick easily

Childcare centre is a perfect host for germs. Kids love to put objects in their mouths. Imagine that full of saliva hand touching each other?

My son fell sick on and off for a good 2 months before he was able to adapt to the germs. That 2 months were so torturous for us, especially when he woke up in the middle of the night to vomit. We had to pacify a crying baby while cleaning up the cot and baby.

2. It is not 24/7

Infant care is available from 7am – 7pm on weekdays only while childcare centre may have half day session on Sat.

It can be exhausting to take care of the child after work, especially for families with no additional help.

Pros of domestic helper

1. Helper can help with household chores

Self explanatory. Helper is also around almost 24/7 and can help with baby at night.

Cons of domestic helper

1. Loss of personal space

I cherish personal space and am not comfortable having another person in the house.

2. Trust issues

Personally, I have trust issues and will be worried if I leave baby alone with helper. Many friends told me to instaall CCTV but I don’t like my house to be filled with CCTV. It just doesn’t feel like a home anymore. Shouldn’t a home be a safe sanctuary instead of a place with CCTV?

3. Possibility of child being less independent

It is more difficult to train a child to do housework when there is a helper around. I am worried that my children would be over reliant.

Weighing the pros and cons, I’ve decided that there are more pros to opting for infant care centre. Did not compare in terms of finances as domestic helper and infant care fees are about the same. As the child progresses to older groups, the fees drop significantly. Thus it is hard to compare the fees across different period of time.

I was initially skeptical on how essential oils can help boost immunity and its aromatherapy benefits. However, when baby A kept falling sick after entering infant care, I was desperate to try all ways to boost his immunity. The following is what I learnt after attending essential oil lessons and also personal trial and error experiences.

Disclaimer: This is not a sponsored post and I am not a Young Living seller. This is purely my honest review on the oils, where the effects differ between users. However, I can pass you the contact of Young Living seller if you need to purchase at member price. I do not earn any commission from doing so.

I first started with lavender, peppermint and tea tree (botanical name: Melaleuca alternifolia) oils for personal use.

Whenever I have insomnia, I will diffuse lavender for better sleep.

I have motion sickness since young and it is especially bad throughout my pregnancy. I carried peppermint oil with me and find that it is more effective in tackling my nausea compared to my medicinal oil. My husband also likes to diffuse peppermint for a refreshing and uplifting mood.

For cleansing the air:

I diffuse tea tree oil periodically to cleanse the air, especially if there is someone ill at home.

Sometimes I diffuse purification which can also help cleanse the air and also deter mosquitoes. Purification is a blend of citronella, rosemary, lemongrass, tea tree, lavandin and myrtle.

Citronella can deter insects while lemongrass promotes relaxation and good sleep.

Can also put a few drops in the rubbish bin or shoes to clear the stinky smell.

For cough, flu, phlegm and immunity booster:

Ever since he went infant care, he is often down with runny nose which then escalates to cough and phlegm. The first time he was down, he took 3 weeks to recover despite giving him lots of medication.

It hurts me to see him taking so many medications and he would struggle so much every time I administer.

The second time he caught a flu, he recovered in 2 days without any medication. I’d like to think that it is due to essential oils as I have started using then.

R.C.

Blend of Eucalyptus globulus, Myrtle, Marjoram, Pine, Eucalyptus radiata, Eucalyptus citriodora, Lavender, Cypress, Black spruce & Peppermint.

• Relief nose congestion: apply one drop on his nose
• Helps expel phlegm and mucus: apply one drop on sole, chest and back. Also do chest percussion.
• Promotes restful sleep: diffuse 4 drops to promote restful sleep and reduce snoring

Lemon

• Helps expel phlegm: apply one drop on sole, chest and back
• Detox: add 2-3 drops to a cup of warm water (for myself and husband, not for baby)
• Uplifting: diffuse 4 drops to help with focus and concentration
• Skin brightening: dilute in carrier oil and apply on skin
• Apply one drop on sticky residue to remove them!

Thieves

Blend of Clove, Eucalyptus radiata, Lemon, Cinnamon & Rosemary

• Boost Immunity: rub one drop on sole of feet
• DIY hand sanitiser/ cleaning agent: add 10-15 drops to 60 ml distilled water and 1 teaspoon of witch hazel. (refer to bottom of this post for details)
• Anti-bacterial properties: can read this science journal for details

Eucalyptus Radiata

• Relief nose congestion: apply one drop on nose, chest and back
• Can also diffuse to reduce stuffy nose.

For diaper rash and eczema:

I use one drop lavender + one drop tea tree oil and apply on the rashes area. Lavender calms the angry skin while tea tree fights the bacterial or fungal infection if any. Thieves, though has anti-bacterial properties, is too hot for baby’s sensitive skin so I do not apply Thieves directly on his skin (except sole of feet as the skin there is thickest).

For cranky baby:

If baby is cranky or unsettled, I rub one drop of lavender or Peace & Calming on the sole of his feet. I also diffuse lavender oil.

DIY Hand Sanitiser

After seeing how expensive baby hand sanitisers are in the market, I decided to DIY using essential oils. I am convinced on the anti bacterial properties after reading the scientific journal on the oils.

1. Add 10-15 drops of Thieves oil into an amber glass bottle (essential oils can break down plastic and some oils may react under sunlight. I got my bottle from Shopee.)
2. Add one teaspoon of witch hazel to 60 ml of distilled water. Mix well.
3. Pour the water mixture into the amber glass bottle. Mix well.

I experimented with different essential oils, using lemon + tea tree. Husband says he prefers the Christmasy smell of Thieves so I guess I will stick to Thieves for the next batch of sanitiser!

Now I’m using this natural sanitiser every day on baby without worrying about the chemicals exposed to him! I spray on his hands, bag and clothes before and after infant care. I also spray on baby chair when dining out, on his toys and random objects such as my phone. Try it and let me know how it goes! 🙂